On Thursday the 20th of March I attended the Great British Workplace Wellbeing Awards.
We were up for an award as a Wellbeing Committee and I was up for "Most Inspiring Employee of the Year".
Sadly we didn't win the award as a committee, however it is amazing that we were shortlisted. But, I did win "Most Inspiring Employee of the Year!".
I have manifested this SO HARD since November last year, even more so the last month. I found out we were on table 15 and I saw this as a real sign. It's my lucky/special number.
One of my wonderful colleagues made me a beautiful crystal bracelet which had really special crystals with lovely meanings and also the number 15.
I was feeling positive, not completely confident because it was a tough category. I think the thing I was most nervous about was how it would change my feelings around manifesting if I hadn't won.
As always with any social situations it has taken me a few days to really reflect on the night and on actually winning. I'm so grateful for two of my colleagues for filming the point they announced my name at the awards and me collecting the award, if not I wouldn't believe it was real.
Part of me still doesn't. It hasn't completely sunk in yet.
I had this plan to write about how I feel about winning the award. And I'll get there at some point in this post.
But the last two days I've had element of embarrassment.
The elements of embarrassment, is unreasonable....I think.
Someone asked me how it came about that I was nominated.
I admitted that I nominated myself. As I did last year too where I was a finalist in two categories but didn't win. I've never hidden this from anyone but yesterday it felt awkward and embarrassing...and I don't know why.
I was confident enough to nominate myself. To back myself because I truly believe that you HAVE to back yourself always.
Although people will see what you to and know what you do they don't know EVERYTHING that you do. There will be things that are overlooked. Things that are not important to some people are important to others. And that's completely fine.
It's an odd feeling to feel embarrassed at winning when I was so confident and backed myself enough to think I was worthy of being nominated and shortlisted, let alone to win!
I think that I haven't given myself space to really appreciate how big this is. The day after the awards I was feeling somewhat fragile, I had to navigate the tubes in London, hang around for my train, got home and went out with my fiance.
The weekend was busy and then Monday hit and it was back to work and back to being in mum mode and I haven't really had a chance to sit and think "This happened!" "You did this!".
I've had messages of congratulations and people saying it on work calls and I never know what to say back but have reminded myself of what my therapist taught me last year. "You just have to say thank you, you don't have to follow it up with anything else".
I am wasting my thoughts on feeling embarrassed etc and not appreciating what a big deal this really is.
I ticked something off my bucket list.
I was recognised by others for something I am so incredibly passionate about.
I’m so incredibly passionate about Wellbeing and sharing my experiences and vulnerabilities to help others feels like such a natural thing to do. Being recognised for that is just…I can’t even put it into words. I still can't believe it.
For 14 years I've written about my mental health on this blog. When I joined a large company who had a Wellbeing Committee I thought it would be good for me to join as I might be able to make a difference.
I think because this just feels so natural to me that maybe that's why sometimes I can't recognise what I do.
I doubt myself on helping people.
I wonder if sometimes I'm a bit too much.
If people just want me to shut up.
But I'd rather do what I do and be too much and want people to think I should shut up than to hide away and do nothing.
If I am going to live with the diseases I live with then I am going to do something positive about it. Rather than having a pity party I'm going to turn it into something good. Help others who live with the same to make them feel better or to make changes.
I don't necessarily want to change hundreds of peoples lives. That would be amazing! But, for me if I can help one person that is enough.
If I can inspire just one person to journal, to seek help from a medical professional, to open up to a family member or friend about their struggles, or to even not feel alone then that is SO worth it.
I'm just excited for the point that this sinks in and I can appreciate what I have achieved and actually congratulate myself.
