I think everyone is aware of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). It's probably the most common anonymous group known. I had heard of others, but until today when doing some research didn't realise just how many anonymous groups there are.
My fiance told me about OA (Overeaters Anonymous) a while ago. I had opened up about my issues with food and he recognised that it sounded like an addiction. He talked through the steps and other information. I went to a session which was just a chat based one and it was good. I vowed to go again. But I was too stubborn, I suppose, to do anything about it and didn't go again.
I didn’t believe there were people like me, I thought I would be judged and couldn’t understand how my higher power would help me. As a spiritual person I assumed they would be helping me anyway so thought I must be ok really and my relationship with food must be normal. I thought if I needed to do something then it was something I had to do myself. No one else could help.
Then after a weekend where I felt so low about myself and feeling at crisis point I remembered what my fiance had told me and gave up being stubborn and I handed it over to my higher power.
Within 2 minutes I was attending my first virtual OA meeting. They read ‘Welcome Home’ and I instantly felt it. I felt home.
As I write this I am on Day 19.
I no longer feel alone.
I feel seen and heard. Even if I don’t have my camera on or share, I still feel seen and heard.
I feel like my life has changed so much in just 19 days. Not just with food but other areas of my Wellbeing too.
Everyday I attend meetings, I journal, I read the literature and thank my higher power for guiding me
It is not easy. We have to eat food right?
Temptations are always there but meetings, literature, following the steps and trusting your higher power gives you the strength to make every day an abstinent day.
I didn't know whether or not to share this. I worried about being judged and for people to just think "she's a pig" "she's greedy" "she's glutenous" BUT now I don't feel alone and know this is a real issue and a real disease. I know I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Awareness is always good right?
I am starting to like myself again, and soon hope to love myself and to be the best version of myself I can be not only for myself, but for my fiance, my children and everyone around me.
I’m so grateful for OA, I’m grateful for virtual meetings because I realise that so many people live with this disease all over the world. I’m really never alone.
Those feelings I had of thinking that there is no one else like me, that I would be judged, were completely false.
I should have trusted my Higher Power sooner.
I’m home now.
Edit - It's Day 22 when I am finally posting this. It's Eating Disorder Awareness Week and I thought if I'm going to be open, brave and vulnerable then now is the time to do it.
I'm not sharing for attention, for a pity party, but to raise awareness of it.
