What Am I Capable Of?

I don't know how I'm doing with this whole single parenting thing. I feel as though I am gliding through it and that really the full on hard work hasn't yet started. I've had my mum to rely on, and the boys dad has them quite regularly so I've been quite lucky to not be in the "their dad only has them every other weekend" situation. …

Five Things | Songs for My 2015 Soundtrack

This year has been full on, dramatic, with lots of highs...in fact one of the highest highs of my life, and a few lows. I don't know about you, but I find that songs and music play a big part in my life. They are my therapy when I need my head to be anywhere else other than where it is. I look out for words which sum up how I am feeling, in fact, sometimes it fee…

Getting a Job and Having Self Doubt

As I sit on my bed I can't help but to feel angry with myself. I have the house to myself. I have a day off work. And at the moment, life feels pretty good. There have been some major stumbling points the past couple of weeks. Lots of big changes and each of them I have coped with. I have realised how strong I can be. And how putting myself first is important …

Undesirable

I don't regret my decision to end my marriage. It was the right thing to do and I am happier for it. I feel like a weight is lifted from my shoulders and I feel like I can now be me. Or at least allow myself to grow to who I am supposed to be without being confined or without feeling like I need to consider how someone else views me too. And the person they want…

Adulting Part II | No Longer Home

Making the decision to separate from my husband wasn't easy. It was something that had been on my mind, and maybe his, for a long time. When there is a marriage, a house, and two children it's not an easy decision to make at all. It wasn't as simple as "let's seperate" "Ok sure!". And that was part of what kept me there, at home, …

Jamie's Italian, The Royal Arcade Norwich | Review

I remember when I was little we went on a caravan holiday to Kent. We walked into the town centre and decided to have dinner. My dad and brother wanted to visit a certain fried chicken place and I fancied visiting a cute little Italian restaurant. So we split up and my mum and I had a lovely authentic dinner. I remember the place so well and I guess this confirmed an…

Being Irrational and a Walking Advert

I found it strange when a friend in her 20's relationship ended and she worried so much that she wouldn't find anyone else. She feared that no man would ever find her attractive and no man would go near her. She feared that she would be alone for the rest of her life. I thought it was crazy. How could someone that young be worried about spending the rest o…

Divorce and the Innocence of Children

The boys now know. For a while I thought it was best that they didn't, mainly because they are so young and to turn round and say "Mummy and daddy are going to not live together anymore" whilst we are still living under the same roof seemed a little too confusing and too much to put them through. However, Charles asked some questions which eventually le…

Adulting Part I | The First Steps

Since turning 30 last Friday adulthood seems to have crashed on my doorstep, or lap, however you would like to visualise it. Not only the whole divorce thing but the fact that I can now make my own decisions, be in charge of my life, and to an extent do what I want. 3 bottles of Prosecco as gifts instead of Apple Sourz and cider created a certain feeling of bein…

The "I'm OK" Head Bob.

Do you remember that scene in Friends, where Richard tells Monica about his divorce? Season 2, episode 15 apparently. He explains how people do a head tilt when they ask if he is ok, and he responds with a head bob and a "yeah, I'm ok". I always loved that scene...ok mainly for Tom Selleck but still, I thought it was rather funny. And now, I kind o…

Life and the End of my 20's.

Tomorrow I turn 30. It seems like a really big deal. 30 feels like a real "grown up" age. Like it's time to really knuckle down and be that adult that you have to now be. My 20's have been cool.  I've spend the whole of my 20's married, I had jobs that I loved, jobs that I hated, I tried hard to have a relationship with my dad which I w…

The Replacement

When my dad left us I worried about how my brother would take it, more than how I would. Despite it always being me and my dad as part of a team and my mum and my brother, I couldn't help but to think that a boy needs his dad, a male role model and a male figure there for him. It's all a bit of a haze now. We both reacted in different ways and other things t…

Your Babies

I remember you telling me about a dream you had. Where you woke up in the morning upset because your babies had gone. I don't want to talk too much about the dream, because it's personal of course, but it was almost like you had the realisation that your babies were now grown up. You always say that although we are adults we are still your children, and …

Lost With Broken Fingers

This has always been my outlet. My therapy. My place to go when I need to go somewhere. It's always felt quite natural, quite simple. Open laptop. Look at screen. Type. Some posts I sit and focus on what I'm reading, and others I just let myself type. And then post. And read afterwards. Those are the therapy type posts. But recently, it all seems a bit …

TT2015 Diary: The Mountain

As she sat on the back of the bike she couldn't help but to feel a bit scared. There's already an overwhelming vulnerable feeling being on a motorbike. No seat belt, nothing holding you on. Her hands were gripped, tight, to the bar behind her. She couldn't hold on any tighter. Her brother was in control of the bike. Up until this point she didn't…

Living Arrows 32/52

Run or Dye, Chantry Park, Ipswich [with video]

I hoped last Saturday to wake up to the same feeling as the previous Sunday. Excited, and ready for some exercise. I was ready to be involved in something exciting with my best friend, to not only spend time together but to also be doing something to make ourselves proud, whilst raising money for charity. The weather wasn't so good though. I woke up and it was r…

Work On Yourself

There's a list right? A big list. When you think about working on yourself. You're not as bad as you think you know. You're just changing. You're growing. You are finding yourself. You're not a lost sheep, but it's like, when you look around you, you are standing in a big open space and as you look around you just see this mess. Piles of mes…

A Feast With Friends

It seems odd to me that this time last year a social life was pretty much non-existent. I never went out with friends. I couldn't tell you the last night out I had... And then I met Christine. I truly believe that there are people in life you are meant to meet. Like you need them, or they need you, or you need each other in some kind of way. Our friendship is r…